Well I've come to the conclusion that my life just is different than anyone elses. If something bad can happen, its always targeted at me. I don't know why-but i really wish it would quit.
The only positive things in life are truly the most important factors right now in my life. My husband, my son and my family and work family. They are my strength. My husband is my rock. No matter the day I am having, he always makes it better when I hear his voice or see his face when I walk in from a long days work. He reminds me that everything is going to be okay and that with every passing day he loves me more and more. My son, Ty, he is only 6 months old but I swear he could light up a whole room if he could with that smile. His personality reminds me a lot of the man he was named after, Ty Moosman. Ty was killed in a MVA Sept 28th of last year at the young age of 21. he was Dustin's best friend and cousin. They were inseperable. He was the type that always had a smile on his face and nothing could ever be bad enough to ruin his day. I can't wait for my little man to grow up and know how and who he got his name from. Ty Moosman left us way to early in life, but i'm glad I could to be apart of his life and his stories will last a lifetime, Dustin wouldn't ever let them die. My family is my fallback. They know how I am when it comes to certain situations. They know that I am a very softhearted, tender soul that just needs that hug every once and a while or that shoulder to lean on. They are always there for me when I need them. My work family-well to say the least, they rock! The support I have there is something that most offices don't have. A bond, a trust, a family love. When I heard first off that Dustin was going to Iraq in 2009 I was completely devastated. I still am, but the words of my co-workers helped me realize I can't change fate. I just have to deal with it as it comes. I can try my best to do what I can to change the fact he's leaving. But if he is meant to go, there really isnt' anything left open as an option. I have a hard time and am really struggling with this reality. Dustin keeps telling me that he knows if he goes overseas he's not coming back alive because he'll be on the front line and so many of his buddies haven't come back and that tears me apart more than anything. the thought that my husband won't see our son grow up. I won't be able to spend the rest of my life with him. How could I not be upset over this and I am trying my damnest to see that he doesn't go. I'm quickly running out of options tho. My life has been rough the last couple years and now that I feel my family and life is in place, someone comes in and messes it all up. Why? To ruin any chance of having a normal future. Where did I change paths? I was top 10% of my high school class, I was 4.0 average in college, graduate of two degrees, Married to the most amazing guy in the world, a wonderful son, a great job. Why does someone want to take that away from me??? Am I mad at the military? the government? myself? I don't know. I wish I had answers and I wish someone would just tell me for sure the final decision. Maybe Dustin will get his exemption for his knee and this will all be over. Does this orthopedic understand what he holds in his hands? Does he know how much of my life and future holds in his hands? I hope he does the right thing. I hope something turns up and this time next week it will all be over but will it ever be???? I'm tired of fighting this battle I seem to always lose. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I'm exhausted, I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I cry everyday at some point, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm argumentative, I'm upset. When is this going to end??? Will it ever just end?
i'm posting Ty's Christmas pictures up for ya'll to see. I took these two Saturday's ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment