We are recalling you to the Marine Corps...

well what a month it has been already and its only October 6th.

September 28th Dustin got a call from US Marine Corps, telling him he has to fly to Kansas City, MO on October 14th to take a recall screening test. This test will determine if he will be re-recruited back into the Marine Corps for another year of active duty. This was very terrifying news and it scares me so bad to think about the fact that my husband will become active duty and be shipped over to Iraq or Afganistan. I don't want this to happen. A year ago i'd probably be able to handle this but with a 4 month old baby, this is where the problem comes in. If he was to go, he'd be gone for a year. A lot of things happen in a baby's first year. Rolling over, crawling, walking, talking... etc. I can't even imagine how our life will be without Dustin at home. I know we will pull through like times before but it's just not fair. Let the guys go over there that are single and WANT to go... not those who settled down finally, have a NEW job, and a new baby and family. I just want to scream "IT'S NOT FAIR" and cry and cry but I know that by crying won't change the fact if he is going or not. The military has no sympathy. I know if I am sad and crying about the situation, it will just make it harder on Dustin when/if he does have to leave because he'd be afraid I won't be able to handle it... Let alone, be able to take care of Ty by myself. I am scared that if he goes overseas, he won't come back or he'll come back a different man than when I saw him last.... My mind just can't process this information. I wish I could control whether he goes or not but I can't and we just have to make do with what we can control. By showing Dustin how much he means to Ty and I and spending as much time together as possible, we will be able to get through this, if that is what is going to happen. Iraq and Afganistan are dangerous places but Dustin already informed me if he does go, he isn't just going to sit on the sidelines.... he's coming back a hero. I don't know how I am supposed to handle this - and lately, to tell the truth, I haven't been handling it well. Although in front of others I think I am faced with being strong and wishful that he won't go... Behind closed doors I do nothing but get upset. In front of Dustin and our families I have to be strong, there isn't anything else to be. Crying when I am alone makes it better to be strong in the public eye about the situation. Is this the right thing to do? Do I sound two-faced about all of this? I just want to show Dustin as well as my family that I will be okay if he does get recalled. I want to show them that I am a strong person and although faced with difficult situations, will be able to get through this. I don't know if this blog makes sense at all or if I am just blabbering on and on, but I feel a little relieved that although noone reads my blog, I have gotten this off my chest. Once again, another day passes that my love grows stronger and deeper for Dustin and without a doubt, he is my best friend.